Say You Ain't Gay, Clay!?!

The world of rock n' roll was shaken to the core with the revelation to end all revelations. Clay Aiken, musclebound hunk and masculine troubadour to ladies near and far, revealed to the world that...(you better take a seat if you aren't already)...HE IS GAY!!! Horror of horrors! How could he have lied to us for all these years!?! Has he no compassion for his millions of fans!?! What of his "Clay-mates"!?! His adoring female fan base cried and cried into their pillows long into the night, having the one true love that emerged into the limelight of celebrity via an absurd teevee show (American Idol in case you already forgot) plucked from their very bosoms. If you thought midwestern women already had weight problems to begin with, news such as this can only lead them all back to their kitchens and Krispy Kremes and KFC's and McDonald's (you get the picture) in ravenous multitudes in search of comfort foods by the fistful!!! This world is so full of lies!!! How can we ever go on, knowing that an artiste such as he was pulling the gay wool over our eyes this whole time!!! First Freddy Mercury, then Rob Halford, then Rosie O'Donnell, then Ellen Degeneres...now CLAY!!! Who's next, Barry Manilow or Johnny Mathis??? Let's pray not, for the love of God, let's pray not. There's nothing wrong with being gay, I just cannot endure the emotional trauma which is a result of getting lied to again by celebrity. I'll put the pills away for now...The pain shall subside in time...Deep breaths...Deep breaths...