where is everybody?

so, lately i'm pertty bummed. my car got towed, i'm so broke i'm on the ramen noodle soup diet, i have a massive migraine, and i just spent a week in southern utah. shit sucks, i'll deal.

moving on, rhino just did a reissue of closer, unknown pleasures, and still on rad 180 gram vinyl. check that shit out!

while you're waiting for your order to arrive, watch joy divison slaying "dead souls" live in 1979 at the apollo theatre in manchester. the sound sucks, but fuck it, it's live joy division.



it's fun being young, depressed, and surrounded by a bunch of happy tan people that are stoked on the new kanye album. fuck yeah!

i wanna know if you can hit it and quit it

there's nothing much worse than spending a couple days in eastern washington, 'cept for maybe a few days in southern utah... which is where i ended up instead of my intended destination of spokane.

since there's nothing to do here 'cept "climb some rocks 'n shit," i've been listening to 7"s and LPs until my ears bleed, reading books on phil spector, and watching james hetfield and tony iommi slay queen's "stone cold crazy" on youtube. fuck yeah!

i love metallica. they kinda lost me on that "st. anger" crap, but i'm pretty sure the only people left liking that greased up fist of shit were those die-hard homo-fearin' beer guzzlin' fucktards who are really into that new beaver-metal sound (see also: hell yeah). in case you're wondering what "beaver-metal" is, figure it out. pansy ass pussy "metal." get it? kinda annoying, kinda gross, kinda boring. sorta like white trash beaver, ak/a the majority of their current fanbases.

anyway, loooooong before lars started his campaign to rid the world of file sharing and back even further from when hetfield set the bottle down for good, they used to stack hot bitches like pancakes every night backstage when they were on tour with guns 'n roses. check out this clip of hetfield reading (and burping) axl rose's ridiculous list of backstage demands to promoters across the world.



fuck yeah! but hey, if you churn out a fucking masterpiece like "appetite for destruction," i guess you're entitled to your faggy ham cubes.

right now i'm watching "american hardcore" for the upteenth time, and after rolling around in fits of laughter over the concept of moby even attending a punk show, much less actually performing in one, i've been looking up rare performances by some of the bands featured, and getting that special tingly feeling between my legs while watching some of these dudes lose their shit on stage.

check out this awesome footage of the misfits covering black flag's "rise above" live in boston circa 1980something.

face full of black soot

i think a bunch of people watched the mtv vma's last week, but i'm kinda out of the pop music loop, so i missed out. sucks to be me... not. even though i didn't tune in, a ton of people kept sending me text messages telling me to "check out britney spears' performance" from that night on youtube. well, i kinda don't give a shit about what or who britney is doing or not doing, so i haven't watched it. but here's a link if you wanna check it out. basically i heard she kinda puts no effort into it, and she lacks any stage presence. wait, how is this different from her entire career so far? riiiiiight. and, hey, america? there's a reason her initials are "b.s."

so anyway, i was at work, doing cool shit, when someone mentioned the vma's (which is unusual since we're all so cool, hip and indie that anything mainstream is usually shunned with waspy quips and a curled lip), and britney's performance was the topic of conversation. my ADD was kicking in and i started to zone out, when i heard that some kid from the middle of nowhere basically filmed himself having a meltdown 'cos people "won't leave britney alone." i'm always more than interested in people making complete assholes out of themselves on youtube, so naturally, i checked it out:



i love it when emo doucher kids freak out over pieces of already been chewed bubble gum pop princesses. i may wear a lot of black eyeliner, have pale skin, and a general disdain towards humanity, but i don't even remember the last time i cried, and i haven't purposefully tried to hurt myself for a while, so guess that means i'm outta the running to be an emo kid.

moving on from shit, i've been listneing to a lot of cool music recently. one of the dudes i work with turned me onto a cool group called the troggs. i dig their 60s garage rock monotone voices. anyway, you've heard 'em at least through their hit song entitled "wild thing" that the jimi hendrix experience famously covered. you may also recall that hendrix had more success with bob dylan's "all along the watchtower" than the actual songwriter himself. don't get me wrong, hendrix was wicked rad, but i like dylan loads more, so i kinda feel all geekily protective of his original version.

but anyway, back on the troggs, check out this awesome promo video for "night of the long grass" circa 1967. these guys did a lot of short films to their tunes (music videos?) before music videos were even really around... it's not as groundbreaking as the d.a. pennebaker's visual companion to dylan's "subterranean homesick blues," but it's still pretty rad:



the troggs are fucking awesome.

i'm gonna be in washington starting next tuesday for a week. i really don't know what else to say about it, so i'll just leave it at that. let's just say it's gonna be a loooooooong week. e-mail me if you wanna hang out and do cool shit. i'm open.

walk into the sea

this fall is shaping up to be the best concert "season" i've seen in a long time... there seems to be a never-ending train of rad bands that are out on tour right now. i'm really super stoked on seeing the jesus and mary chain again at the wiltern, queens of the stone age at the nokia ginorma-dome, pj harvey at the orpheum, u.n.k.l.e. at the echoplex, and a fucking ton of awesome bands at this year's vegoose festival... all in the course of two weeks at the end of october. fuck yeah! too bad i gotta miss richard ashcroft pulling his head out of his ass and laying down some cool shit live with the verve in november. ah well, there's always next time, right? RIGHT? whatever, i've got urban hymns on vinyl, so i'll just slap that mofo on and stare at the verve poster above my bed, and it'll basically be the same thing as being there. yeah, i'm really just that lame.

the verve playing "the drugs don't work" live on later... with jools holland



doesn't get much better than that...

...well, except for the rumor i heard that's been swirling around. the story is that my bloody valentine has been confirmed to headline next year's coachella fest. this is kinda bizarre to be hearing about right now since it's just the beginning of september... and i'm still not fully recovered from last year's desert activities. but if it's true that mbv is reuniting and playing, look for me hanging out at the polo field about 3 weeks before the festival actually starts.

btw, kevin, get on it and make a new record! at the very least work on remastering some of the original issues or something. $70 for the "out of print" you made me realise ep at amoeba is ridiculous, even if you're someone who works there and gets an awesome discount (see also: me). we don't wanna hear anymore non-mixes of bow wow wow's "i want candy," so please just get on with it by calling bilinda up to see if she's down with lubing up the ol' windpipes and laying down some new tunes with you (hint: she probably is).

anyone down to go see low at the troubadour with me? i got an extra ticket for their show on the 29th of september (saturday)... e-mail me if you wanna go.

check 'em out:



you can pay me back by buying me a rootbeer float, or by helping me deface bright eyes stickers:



i fucking hate bright eyes.

rock my hole

i just finished watching the rolling stones' documentary "gimme shelter" last night. between the hells angels starting a fight on stage with mick jagger to all the hippies frying their brains out on 'cid at 9am, i was hooked. the best part was when mick was walking out of the trailer and POW! he gets popped in the face by some derranged dude and gets a bloody nose for it. shit, son!

the new mindless self indulgence live dvd comes out next week (sept. 11), entitled "our pain, your gain." i couldn't be more stoked. loved and known these guys for a long time, and their live shows are unreal, so it'll be nice to "relive the experience." it's been fun to watch 'em evolve from an underground band that a bunch of dorks who play halo in their mom's basement listened to. now they're out on tour as the emo draw of the summer at "projekcdt revolooshun," headlining alongside stinkin' park and my chemical bro-mance.

check out the trailer, that, while poorly cut and consisting largely of a 15-year-old audience, is still rad:



remember he 90s? msi has been around longer than half their fanbase is old:





that reminds me: hey, emo-kids with rainbow colored dreads? thanks for putting kool-aid in your hair to make it all those wicked sweet colors. those shows can get really hot and sweaty when you're in the pit, and sometimes you get really thirsty. thank god that you're there to save the day with your colorful sweaty ropes made of hair. all i gotta do is reach out, put my cup underneath your carefully crafted 'do and squeeze. yeah, it's a little diluted, and kinda salty, but that's good, right? like gatorade or some shit?

while msi are outrageous live performers, they're no gg allin. as much as i love east coast punk, i could never get into gg. lyrically, his music is kinda garbage. the dude gets naked, plays with his vienna sausage a lil' bit, then takes a shit on stage and eats it. he randomly grabs chicks from the audience and forces 'em to blow him. he's got some really shitty tattoos. i'm not feelin' it. but hey, dee dee ramone was into it:



i recently watched the most popular film in the vast library of dvds available on gg's live performances, the aptly titled "hated." kinda funny how the director todd phillips, went on to direct "old school," the remake of "starsky & hutch" and my personal fav, "road trip." it's also kinda funny how he started off filming steaming piles of shit and continues to still do that.

rolling stone magazine redeemed themselves a few weeks ago when they put the original lineup of GnR on the cover and featured some cool articles about the creation of "appetite for destruction." this week, the cover features maroon 5 and an article with axl wannabe, scott weiland. needless to say, that's just brown.

you would know

it's no secret that i adore queens of the stone age. and yeah, it was prolly for the best to see bassist nick oliveri pack up his coke and leave (see also: kicked dragging and screaming to the fuckin' curb). their new bassist, michael shuman*** (of wires on fire fame) has picked up the slack most recently, filling the gigantic void left upon nick's departure. queens still slays it, but something definitely changed when oliveri left.

in the early days, there was some good shit when nick and josh were paired up together, and scarcely has one seen better back cover art than on the first queens of the stone age record where nick oliveri (sporting a shirt emblazoned with the word "cocaine" on it) and josh homme (wearing a "D.A.R.E. to keep kids off drugs" vintage tee) are situated on either side of a chain link fence. get it? oh, and not to mention that great lil' ufo in the top right hand corner. RANDOM? check it out.

aaaaaanyway, recently, nick's kinda gone off the deep end, and hate to say it, but mondo generator sucks a fat nut. ozz fest, nick? c'mon, man, you gotta know shit ain't goin' too hot when you're giving it all up to sharon.

remember when kids thought creed was cool? i seem to distinctly recall some dudes in eastern washington with baseball caps who definitely wanted to lube up scott stapp's righteous staff. here's nick oliveri (with josh homme and chris goss) giving everyone the real skinny, no holds barred style, straight up on music "today" (which, incidentally isn't much different from that of 5 years ago).



"staind is just brown." fuck yeah, dude, i'm gonna start saying "brown" when something is SHIT, too, so i can be cool like the guys in qotsa:



memo to all the douchebags who think it's "cool" to jump up on stage and throw up the "rock 'n roll horns" while walking around "strutting" their shit in front of the band: YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING WAY. no one paid to see your drunk ass haphazardly fall across the stage in a drunken stupor (unless you happen to be the lead singer of the icarus line). you're not in the band, and you probably never, ever will be. you're killing it, bro, and not in the good way. do everyone a favor, go back to the lawn section, smoke a "doobie" and listen to the music, while enjoying it from where you belong: in the fucking audience. until you're up there headlining, get off the fucking stage.

i'm posting my podcast prolly later tonight or tomorrow... whenever i get around to finishing it. i'm still pretty new at this shit, so it's not going to be of the highest quality, but i can promise some rad bootlegs and cool shit to listen to if you're bored.

in the mean time, i'm gonna go back to eating these really fucking rad chips called "rap snacks." seriously. these are the fucking real deal.

***side note: what the fuck is up with the trend of putting up terrible pictures of people on wikipedia? we're not all photogenic, but jesus christ, doesn't have to be a contest for dorkus of the year. he's not a bad looking dude, but you snap a pic of anyone whose really trying to nail a part on stage, and they aren't gonna look like a contender for the cover of rolling stone.

main offender

alright, someone forgot to protect their wireless with a password, so i'm actually writing this from the comfort of my own home. until someone wises up, i'm free to steal bandwidth to my heart's desire.

now, i gotta be honest. i'm not a fan of the swedish indie alt wankers the hives. tonight, however, i feel i've found a new respect for these pre-processed swedish meatballs.

as usual, i was randomly perusing through youtube clips, and stumbled upon this amazing little gem of the hives doing a covers medley which includes everything from the incomparable saul williams' song "list of demands" and swedish garage rockers the hellacopters "(gotta get some action) now!" to the white stripes "seven nation army" and three six mafia's "stay fly." everything about these douchers makes me wanna pour a beer on their head and kick a little mud on those fake alligator leather shoes they sport, but not until they launch into their own original music (that's 6m 31sec into the clip, though. make it that far, you've seen the best, pass on the rest).



does anyone remember when buddyhead used to be cool and actually talked about cool shit you could understand and could relate to (or at least laugh along with)? reading their latest gossip just seems like a string of inside jokes from the nin tour bus in netherfuckville, europe that no one gives two shits about, 'cept those fat goth girls that wanna get boned by aaron and need to trade in their multiple personality disorders for eating ones. in all reality, though, they're really just using aaron to get to travis.

for now, i'm gonna go back to listening to a bunch of rad black flag demos and watching pre-courtney kurt slay it on a bootleg copy of a nirvana show in austria circa 1989. FUCK YEAH!

i was a teenage hand model

i've been bad. not just bad, but negligent. i'm sorry to the two people that are reading this. i haven't updated. though my excuses are just that, merely excuses, i can only say what i've said before: i can and will change.

busy as i've been, i've still managed to find time to attempt skateboarding, join the population of mac users crash b-list hollywood parties, and meet cool people... all while working at my incredibly rad job at amoeba and wasting every last cent on cd's, 7"s and books on the doors. by the way, yep, i got to see paul mccartney play live at the "secret amoeba show." yep, i was three feet away from him during his entire set. yep, i got to witness his soundcheck. yep, i got paid. yep, it was awesome. yep, i'm gloating.

more and more recently, i'm working on experimenting with creating a podcast. yes, just another pop-culturally infused idea that will soon fizzle into obscurity once i find something else to keep me occupied for a few weeks. stay tuned for that shit!

some celebrity just walked into get coffee at the cafe i'm hanging out at on the next block down from where i live. i have no clue who it is. whatsoever. i think it's victoria beckham because there's about 5 MILLION papparazzi buzzing around, and she's got a british accent. and she really looks like she could've been a spice girl. this is especially great because i'm huddled over here in a corner, it's barely 9am, and i literally rolled ut of bed to come down here and steal bandwidth. if you see me in us weekly please feel free to laugh at my ugly mug looking even shittier sitting next to some hot chick.

and since it wouldn't be an entry without some youtube action and a few of my shitty recommendations:

the only "new" album i've been stoked on recently is the bad brains "build a nation" record. check that shit out, dr. know and the rest have still got it, way over 20 years later. no burn out or fade away here, dudes!

other than that, i've really just been in regression: literally (click to see which albums i'm listneing to). i find comfort in my bob dylan bootleg series, the cream box set (ginger baker knew how to go off!), nick cave, black flag, the talking heads, and my bloody valentine. doesn't get much better than this.

being one of the few people left on the planet who actually still buys records and keeps them (is it weird i find comfort in seeing my 500+ collection all lined up on a shelf just waiting to be listened to?), i am continually finding tons of shit i feel the "need" to buy. i have literally cancelled plans because i wanted to have a listen at the original black sabbath box set i bought earlier in the day. fuck, dudes are right. i am weird.

watch this:



anyyyyyyway, as anti-pro-creation as i am, i really these two would've delivered the ultimate duet... a kid. totally would've oozed talent. or been completely useless. wait, it wouldn't have been american, so i'm gonna go with the former... unfortunately, rumour has it that the only biological present that nick the stripper ever gave the lovely polly jean was herpes. moral of the story: don't do dudes in bands, or you'll wind up getting some nasty shit. doesn't matter how cool they are.

long time gone

so, i've been gone and busy. which is why i haven't updated.

i just moved to hollywood proper, and i finally got a new job. yeah, i work at amoeba. no, i can't get you cool shit for cheap. unless i like you. which i probably don't. whatever.

i've been spending all my money on music, nothing new there. seriously. lucky my new place is a hovel that allows me to afford such luxuries.

on another note, i'm bummed that sea level is closing. fuck echo park and the silverlake scene, btw.

how stoked am i that queens of the stone age are playing with eagles of death metal and the duke spirit? jesus christ, it's like a train of multiple orgasms. i'll tell you: REALLY FUCKING STOKED.

more later.

i'm not crying, it's just been raining... on my face

lately this blog has been little more than me talking about lamely funny movies and east indian interpretations of popular singers and bands. i realize this is totally lame and probably only entertaining to me and maybe a few of my good friends. all 2 of them.

so, to break the stride, i've decided to bring it all back home by... posting about this awesome tv show i just saw: flight of the conchords.

yeah, seriously. but it's different this time! i swear. this one is actually about "the trials and tribulations of a two-man, New Zealand digi-folk band as they make their way in New York City." see? it's about music! kinda. whatever. i've got nothin' new to say. everyone knows i'm only listening to bob dylan right now, anyway.

as most of you (and by most, i mean a select few) know, i lived in new zealand in 2004 and did a bunch of cool shit. while there, i developed a great love for new zealand bands, films and culture in general.

so when i heard about the new hbo show "flight of the conchords" that stars jemaine clement and bret mckenzie, two new zealand "celebs" that i came to know and love during my stay down under, i naturally had to tune in and see if down was the new up. check it out:





binary solo! be sure to check out the full length episode here. it premieres june 17th. anyone got hbo and wanna tune in and invite me over?

and to those wondering about my futurama adventure, unfortunately, i can't talk about it, as i was sworn to secrecy by fucks, er, i mean fox since the last of the episodes won't be airing until 2009. all i can say is matt groening, you rule.

and yes, billy west, you and your voicing talents did contribute to a large portion of the reason why i turned out to be a completely corrupted product of the 90s. thanks again, dude!

look, no one knows yet

man, i love the beatles!



i found this a while back and posted it on a few friends' blogs last year... i wanted to share it with all (3) of you who are reading this.

also, if you haven't seen the "indian thriller," please, please, please watch the following:



this really isn't a far cry from the original. i mean, c'mon. let's be honest, here.

good news, everyone!

as previously mentioned, friday i went to the autolux/deerhoof show at the natural history museum in downtown la.

there, we spotted everyone from that one dude in nin to karen o of the yeah yeah yeahs to vincent gallo. and of course, the usual "hip" crowd of silverlake and echo park bohemian transients. museum + hyped indie rock bands = pretentious artistic types galore.

the show very different from their performance at the glass house in pomona a few weeks ago. this set was more along the lines of "ethereal aurual ambience" sprinkled with some new takes that they seemed to be experimenting with (hint: light on the vocals). eugene closed the show with "thanks for spending the past 45 minutes with us underwater." if you weren't there, you missed out! oh yeah, and to the dude who was recording the set with a 4-track... post that shit, already!

tonight i'm gonna go check out the burning brides kick off their month-long residency at the echo. it's free every monday in june starting at 9p so do yourself a favor and go. also, make sure you pick up their new album "hang love" out on june 19th when you're out grabbing the new white stripes cd "icky thump." check it ouuuuuut.

burning brides live in tex-ass on 03.26.05:



for those of you out of the indie-music loop, you may have heard/played the burning brides song "heart full of black" at some point on guitar hero. ...yeah. that's all i'm gonna say about that.

moving on... i've been watching futurama on dvd again. that show was amazing, why the hell was it ever cancelled? here's a clip from the episode "bendin' in the wind" (fuck yeah! dylan reference!).



tomorrow i get to go sit in on a cast reading for futurama. my friend joe matt knows the show's creators david x. cohen and matt groening pretty well, so he invited me to go along with him.

this goes without saying: my friends fucking RULE.

knock knock knockin' on heaven's door...

usually, i wouldn't post about a movie unless it had to do with music or some shit (check out the new anton corbijn film "control" about joy division frontman ian curtis, for starters) or unless it was pretty fuckin' rad. but this is my god damn blog and i'm going to do whatever the fuck i want because no one is reading this shit anyway.

knocked up, judd apatow's latest blend of "comedic wit" and "heartfelt reality," isn't really either of the above forementioned things. it's good, though, and worth your money, with the exception of those graphic "the miracle of birth" shots. fuck dude, no one wants to see that shit! at least not me. whatever, the rest of the time it's pretty fuckin' funny.

check out this clip:



other highlights include a scene where actor paul rudd's character scores some 'shrooms from "a roadie for the black crowes." laced with musical references and hilarious canadian weed jokes, it's worth watching. plus, the dude from "undeclared" is in it and he's wearing a nin shirt in one of the scenes that i happen to also own. i always thought he was kinda cute in the super dweeby way, so his wardrobe stylist person/whatever gets props for that. fuck you, yeah, i still like and listen to nine inch nails.

and here's the trailer in cased you missed it:



annnnyywaaayyyyy, tonight i'm gonna go see autolux and deerhoof perform at the natural history museum downtown. it's gonna be rad. then i'll prolly hit up the raveonettes show at spaceland afterwards, if there's still time. if i miss it, there's always a chance to catch 'em when they play at the echo on june 8.

and yeah, surprise! i didn't post about dylan, but i still had to fit him in somehow... if you didn't catch the title of this post. oh yeah, and if you're ever in silverlake/los feliz check out the 4100 bar right at sunset junction.... there's an awesome jukebox selection with everything from sonic youth to guns 'n roses to dylan! fuckkkk yeahhhh!

john lennon, bob dylan and mary jane

i'm back in hell, eh? now. yeah. nothing has changed, still listening to lots of dylan, still in isolation, still broke. it's pretty rad. gives me plenty of time to do what i wanna do.

a meeting of two great minds, and apparantly some green, in the back of a cab in london, circa 1966.

the audio is a kinda hard to understand, but check it out:



lennon always talked about how dylan "influenced" him...

is anyone going to the dylan show in costa mesa on july 26th? does anyone even read this god damn thing?

a complete unkown

i've been awol in the middle of nowhere for the past week, 'cos i left LA in kind of a weird state of mind. i'll be back soon; all my stuff is there anyway. what i don't have is a job, direction, or any money, so it's kind of a bummer to think about going back right now. anyone wanna give me some or all of these things?

so in the mean time, i'm pretty much doing a whole lot of nothing but watching old concert bootlegs and listening to bob dylan and the doors, and taking lots of pictures of nowheresville. lots of rocks and jocks.

it's kinda rad, though, 'cos i picked up some great new (old) stuff. my mom gave me her old olympus camera that's like 35 years old, and in awesome condition. she also bequethed to me all her old vinyl records... which means first issue beatles, lennon, doors, dylan, johnny cash etc. FUCK YEAH. I've been sitting around having a quarter-life crisis and all i wanna do is just listen to original recordings on vinyl.

check it out...



so, yeah.

after hearing my mom geek out on old hippie tales about how she hung out backstage at the hollywood bowl back in 1968 with jim morrison, i got pretty stoked. who knew my mom was that fucking cool? yeah, dudes, i may be a dork, but my mom sure wasn't. back in the day, she knew how to go off!

check out "this is the end" from the doors: live at the hollywood bowl dvd. sucks that it only seems to be available on region 2 and hasn't seen an official us release. anyone know anything about this? anyway. watch as jim (super doped up), slays it live... with a 15 minute rendition!

part 1



part 2



yeah, my mom said that show was fucking rad. i'm inclined to agree with her.

dylan is my co-pilot

lately, i've been on a huge dylan kick. not just a little "essential bob dylan," smattered with a helping of his "greatest hits," no, i'm talking all balls out, bootleg series, blood on the tracks and another side of dylan, etc. on-repeat. check out my "friends" i took with me to the joshua tree desert yesterday...




yeah. (click to see more pics from my trip to the desert)

so naturally when my friend (and fellow dylan enthusiast) lionel sent me a link of weird al yankovic parodying dylan, i had to watch:



i'm not a huge "weird al" fan, 'cos his stuff is usually pretty lame, but this kinda floored me. i mean, fuck. it's spot on, hilarious, and it combines my love of dylan, palindromes and folk music. it just keeps on getting better and better.

anyway, i'm going back to watching the copy of "no direction home" that my friend joe matt just got me for my birthday. fuck yeahhhhh.

i sold my soul

not that i was all gung-ho about the new manson album "me me me me" or whatever the fuck it's called (i'm sure it's something as equally as pretentious), but being a fan of the 1996 classic "antichrist superstar," i feel at least slightly inclined to check out his newer shit. even though i have been disappointed. repeatedly.

anyway, i just watched manson "revisit" (see also: rip off) his past by "eclectically sampling" (see also: hacking) from the following films and music videos:
- david lynch's "lost highway"
- stephen king's "carrie"
- nine inch nails' "starsuckers, inc."
...and even his own "(s)aint" video.

seriously. get over yourself, dude. it's called "coming up with something new." or better yet, not at all. let's face it: you're over. and frankly, you're starting to remind me a bit of pre-butterball robert smith (and not in the good way. we all know where that fucker ended up).

back to the video, though. nowadays, it wouldn't be a real goth video if it didn't feature a bunch of topless suicide girls, so of course, there's a whole roomful. oh yeah, and let's not forget the ridiculous amounts of gratuitous blood-bath sex between him and goth-lolita girlfriend evan rachel wood. we get it, dude. you're banging a famous teenager. that's totally gonna last.



pushing the envelope? nah, more like rehashing the envelope. i'm over it.

it's my party...

tomorrow, i'm turning 21. staying typical to 20-year-old angst that didn't wane with the loss of my teen years, i'll be spending the entire day alone. kinda by choice, kinda not. i've already managed to piss off a bunch of people here in hollyweird, and i'm pretty indifferent about the whole thing. besides, birthdays have never been the balls-out event for me that they have been for everyone else. another year, whatever. at least now i don't have to use a fake id to see most of the shows i wanna go to. i don't drink, so it's not gonna be drunkfest 5000 over here, but i will prolly go to a couple of bars just 'cos i can now. anyone know of a place where the gin is cold but the piano's hot? and by gin i mean coca-cola. and by piano, i mean jukebox. yeah, i'm square.

in celebration of my upcoming non-birthday, i've decided to post a fucking rad promo video of "nick the stripper" by none other than nick cave and the birthday party. watch as nick goes off at some pre-burning man bon fire rave.



they don't make music videos like this anymore. oh yeah, and fuck you, mtv.

...and in case you were wondering what nick cave is up to these days, he's in a sick new band called grinderman, which features current members of the bad seeds. it's pretty rad, 'cos their website featured the "grinderman podcast" which is a series of recording fragments from the band's writing sessions.

check out this awesome clip of them performing "honey bee (let's fly to mars)" live on bbc2's later... with jools holland on may 11.



yeahhhhhh, he's still got it, 25 years later.

their debut self-titled album is OUT NOW. check it out. seriously. no, i'm serious. do it. now. go. seriously.

lollapa-loserville

okay, so the lollapalooza festival has been trying for years to recreate what it once was back in the early ninties... back before emo, screamo, shitmo, whatever you wanna call it. back when "depressing teenagers was like shooting fish in a barrel" and their medication was the original carnations of the smashing pumpkins, sonic youth, nine inch nails and nirvana. not any of these new band lineups. if you were there and you saw 'em back then, rad. if not, you're outta luck. leave the bands alone, and someone tell billy corgan to keep his dick out of the sacks of money. let it go. without james iha and d'arcy, the band is NOT THE SMASHING PUMPKINS. it's just another shitty billy corgan zwan-nabe mash up.

back on track... lollapalooza is and has been for the past, oh, 10 years, just a new way to leak thousands of dollars from the willing hands of hapless teens who wanna "experience the music, man!" at a festival where the "vibe is real" and "just being there is saying something." tough news, dudes, you gotta be at glastonbury to experience a real festival. no second-rate us fest can even match up. how can they by charging $5 for a bottle or water or $10 for a beer, and setting up booths for spin magazine every ten feet? if you're not wading in other people's shit (literally), not showering for 1+ week(s), using cow manure as a pillow for your head (if you even do sleep), then you're not "keeping it real" at a festival. no amount of 'shrooms is gonna "transport you there." you missed it. woodstock is over (or at least any trace of what it was has been shot to fuck). this isn't the 70s. we're not in leeds. even the artists know it's a shit sandwich, as they're raping and pillaging the wallets of teens in a corporate setting under the guise of "indie music."

whatever, this is nothing new. as long as people are willing to shill out the money, corporate rise and capitalistic funding is just gonna keep thriving. blah blah blah. i'm all about supporting the music. i buy merch, i buy cd's (me and like, 12 other people in the world), and i consume whatever else gets handed out that i am mildly interested in. that's all part of it. i just can't say i approve of those $15 falafels at coachella.

anyway, lolapalooza is still trying to garner the attention of teens in the midwest who still listen to pearl jam and know who mia is... so they've created a pretty simple way of getting the culturally hip and tragically indie 18-35 year old demographic's attention. check out the rad little corporate ploy to help them advertise. you can upload your face from any picture and put it on a spindly character's body (of your design) and have them dance to interpol or whatever the fuck other indie-but-not-really band you want to... providing of course that they are playing this year at lollapalooza. stupid? totally. simple minded? definitely. soft-shelled corporate advertising? uh-huh. effective? absolutely. i've already made myself 5.

everyone's always said i look like karen o...




here's a couple of other ones i did of myself...

glowsticks make the rave, not the raver

contrary to popular belief, you CAN actually breakdance to sparklehorse

and some of my friends...

cartoonist and author of peepshow, joe matt...

my roommate likes wearing my clothes (seriously)...

and some people that it just looked funny to do it to...

aaron north really slays it whenever he listens to amy winehouse... btw, nice chicken costume, brah...

and while i'm at it, might as well do the other half of buddyhead...

fat chicks love that dude from dfa

if you wanna make one yourself and didn't catch the link above, go to paloozahead.com and have fun sucking your life away for the next 6 hours, 'cos that's what i did...

i have the sense of humor of a 12 year old.

i'm sorry girl, but that ho was me...

it's not a secret that r. kelly's hip-hopera "trapped in the closet" is one of my favorite movie musicals ever. fuck that, it's probably one of my favorite movies ever period. even lucasfilm super-fan jeordie white (ak/a twiggy ramirez) stated "this is better than star wars!" upon his first viewing of the now classic cult flick. truer words were never spoken.

since it's initial release upon the world back in 2005, the phenomenon known as "trapped in the closet" has spread faster than hepatitis c at a tattoo convention. even my mom has seen it and asked "is this for real?" yes, mom, it's all real. or maybe it isn't. is r. kelly so completely absurd and out of his mind to think that this is what we as cinematic movie-goers want to see? or do we really want to believe that this man is so witty and intelligent that he created this all as a joke? the world will never know. what we do know, however, is that it's amazing, and nothing quite like it has even been created before, and anything since is just a cheap hack of the original. everyone from the upright citizen's brigade theater to weird al himself has parodied this defining piece of r&b music video achievement.

here's the kicker, though, what we've seen so far is only the first half of this amazing story. yes, never fear, while we were all left on the edge of our seats at the end of chapter 12... it's been reported that the second half of this pop culture staple will be release sometime in july of this year. check the trapped in the closet wiki for more info.

anyway, while you patiently wait for part two to continue forth with it's operatic tale of sex, lies, and midgets, check out r. kelly's you tube video channel. with (almost) daily updates from the guru of water sports and underage girls himself.

here's my personal favorite in which r. kelly explains his forthcoming album, "double up"'s intended incarnation as "makin' babies." check out the chick in the background braidin' his corn rows. she really looks like the last thing she wants to be doing is fixing up his skanky ass weave.



unbe-WEAVE-able.

hair, beer, and babes. get into it.

stuck in the metal. you figured it out: i'm all about music. and what's better than music? metal music. it's like hookers. amazing. fucking awesome. the only thing better than hookers are more hookers... with blow.

recently, i discovered a rather increasingly popular cult gem that could be described as the blow on the hooker called "heavy metal."

picture this. 1986. judas priest. dokken. beer. chicks. a man in a spandex zebra onesie. put this together and you have quite possibly, the best rock and roll documentary ever created. it's 15 minutes of pure ecstacy. and now it's out on dvd for everyone to view. dave grohl calls it "basically rock and roll 101." and he's fucking right.

the special features on the dvd include the sequel "neil diamond parking lot." bunch of middle aged moms drinking diet coke and talking about how kentucky woman changed their lives. enough said.

heavy metal parking lot.

15 minutes of dudes with crazy hair, hardcore metal chicks raving about how great dokken is while chugging back cases of bud light in the parking lot before the show. fuck yeah! tailgating! here's the entire thing, split up into two parts. it's worth watching again and again and again, so do yourself a favor and pick it up.

part one:



part two:




i was born in the wrong decade.

starting out with nothing

the new nine inch nails album, year zero, is scheduled to hit stores on april 17. big surprise: this means more touring. since 2 years straight didn't cut it in '05/'06, they have to make sure that they literally visit every single city on the face of the earth. multiple times (check out the 4 shows in a row in london that started last night). yeah, dudes. bunch of wankers in the uk really want to hear a middle aged dude hopped up on 'roids singing "i wanna fuck you like an animal" for FOUR NIGHTS IN A ROW. hot. with all the "leaks" that are going off at each and every show, by the time the time the new album is set to release, no one is going to bother even buying it since they got that shit months ago. i'm sure trent has grandiose plans for this whole ninspiracy web that will entice all those 17 year old obsessive fan boys with boners for conspiracy theories and x-files fan fic sites into buying more records, but the rest of the world (see also: 35 year old jocks) just want another "head like a hole" track they can listen to really loudly when they are "angry" and "workin' on their truckz."

help bring tits back. start using it by casually putting it into your every day conversations. like when you find out the jesus and mary chain are reuiniting to work on recording their new studio album in nearly a decade and playing coachella to boot. or when you find out that the scummy drummer from that local band really didn't have herpes after all, and that really is just razor burn. or you can edit funny shit on popular wikipedia pages just because you think it's funny. tits, dude.

speeeeeeaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkinnnnnnnngggggggg of which... tits totally describes the starlite desperation. playing on 03.04 at cafe du nord in san francisco, their shit went off. those dudes know how to put on a show. it's a refreshing change to see a band that isn't afraid to tear up the stage on a sunday night. starlite desperation drummer jeff ehrenberg brought some powerful backing to the skins, friendily competing for the audience's attenion with lead singer and guitarist dante adrian. how often do you see chemistry like that? you know it's good when the drummer can tear your eyes away from the lead singer and white hot bass player (hethur suval) for more than 10 seconds. towards the end, dante floored the audience by dropping on all fours and screeching loudly into his guitar to create a hendrix-like feedback effect during one of the songs. bottom line: go see 'em next time they're playing, on march 31 at the troubadour in los angeles. and add them to your myspace, put 'em on your top 8 and blog about it or post bulletins or whatever the fuck it is you do when you find out about cool stuff and want to tell all your friends. seriously. DO IT!!! these guys deserve more buzz.

army of anyone's new single has literally failed to impress anyone. why? because they SUCK. no one wants to hear your whiny voice sing more power-pop 90s alt-rock ballads, richard. and doesn't matter how many salads you eat, if you keep chowing on all the sausage, your waistline is gonna go.

speaking of bands no one cares about, linkin park has begun working on a new album. and it's not even a hybrid monster love child of jay-z and chester bennington meshing such hits as i'm really mad, but not mad enough to curse because that would mean i'd lose my pre-teen fanbase record sales and i'm gonna retire and then make a comeback every other year to boost my sales. they've taken a new direction by hiring everyone's favourite vegan producer, rick rubin. under his advice they have dropped the rap-rock bull. wait, you mean they're dropping everything they've based their entire careers on to "break out of the box?" sorry dudes, you can't break out of your boxes unless you get sex changes. no matter what, you'll still be pussies. i'd tell you more but i really just don't give a shit.

ashlee simpson may not have stolen your boyfriend, but jeffree star, androgenous cross-dressing kink-tranny pin-up for today's emo-rave youth culture sure fucking did. he/she/it called lindsay lohan a cunt at the peaches show at the avalon on 12.13.06. yeah, i realize that was a little while ago, but whether or not that was a compliment or a burn still remains to be seen. what doesn't need any more clarification are the fucking whiny little bitches i saw running in and out of the bathroom every 10 minutes, totally tripping because "OHMIGOD LINDSAY LOHAN IS HERE. I CAN'T MEET HER LOOKING LIKE THIS." don't worry about it, she's probably so cracked out that she thought she was at her AA meeting. good for her. 12 steps... to the bar, baby!

and while i'm at it... someone tell the band whitey that it's okay to move around more than six inches during your set. "your own personal bubble" doesn't apply to the rules of rock 'n roll, dudes. if you're going to dress like pete doherety, at least don't fully rip the dude by completely destroying all his beliefs in hedonism by being stage pussies.

finally, stalk your boyfriend/girlfriend/fuck buddy by tracing his/her/its cell number using gps tracking. totally free and anonymous. word has it they're with your mom. click here.